


Rebuild Until God Shows

by proboning



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Amnesia, Drabble, M/M, a bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-02
Updated: 2012-01-02
Packaged: 2017-10-28 17:16:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/310192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/proboning/pseuds/proboning
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rebuilding from the ground up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rebuild Until God Shows

 

  
I never thought we would be like this. With you having to ask silly questions that you should know the answer to. And me having to patiently answer them so I don’t make you feel a guilt you shouldn‘t even have.   


  


  
  
I think the worst part isn’t that you’re having to get to know me it’s that I’m having to get to know you. You’re also having to get to know you, too.   


  


  
  
  
A twenty-six year old should know their favourite movie, favourite candy, and even their favourite guilty pleasure song. But you don’t know any of that. And I’m trying. I’m trying so hard not to compare what you’re becoming to what you were. But it’s so hard.   


  


  
  
Like now, your favourite movie is pretty much anything with explosions , when before it was  Moulin Rouge . You used to be such a sucker for love stories. Your new favourite candy is Starbursts, when it used to be anything made from/covered in chocolate.   


  


  
  
Sometimes I’ll see something at the store that I pick up, thinking you’ll love it, then remember it’s something you used to love. You can’t stand it now.

  


  
  
But I know you’re trying. You ask me things all the time, trying to get told what to love and to hate, but I can’t do that to you. It’s not fair of me to mold you into something I want, but can’t have anymore. Your brothers provide the memories, specifically the happy ones, but I’m not providing everything else.   


  


  
  
Jo asks me, sometimes,  what would happen if I can’t fall in love with the person you finally become, and I don’t think I’ll ever have an answer. I can’t ever imagine leaving your side. We’ve been together so long, I swear it’s like we’re one person. Like we have some sort of weird bond.   


  


  
  
  
Even now, and when you first woke up on the hospital bed, surrounded by the most important people in your life. You barely let any of them touch you, barely spoke to your own brothers, but you never let me leave. We barely said anything, you didn’t remember me, but anytime I tried to leave or was asked to, you gave me this pleading look; silently asking me to stay, you couldn’t handle being alone. Gabriel said, of all the unknown strangers you would latch onto, of course you’d choose me. It would always be me.   


  


  
  
Six months later you’re still attached to me. Not completely, no. You’ve accepted your brothers, you’ve accepted mine, and you’ve become friends with all of our friends before. There are just some things that just come naturally to you now, being social is now one of them.

  


  
  
Pretty much having to build something from the ground up takes time. It also hurts. Which is why, even now, when I have all these doubts swarming in my head as we sit at a French café somewhere in the middle of the city, watching you prattle off an order in a language you knew before (because apparently, empty mind or not, you’ll always be a language geek) I know I’m not going to stop. I’m not going to leave. Because your eyes always light up when you’re proud of yourself, and your nose still wrinkles when I do something you don’t approve of, but find you love anyway. And you’ll always have that gravelly voice and an unnatural love for trench coats, and every small smile you give will always make my stomach flutter and my chest tighten.   


  


  
  
I think I actually have an answer for Jo now. You might have lost everything in your head and you have to start over to find yourself, but I don’t think it’ll ever matter to me. I’ll love every version of you I get to know.

  


**Author's Note:**

> Hi. This is my first time writing in the Supernatural fandom, so be nice if you read. :)  
> It's also the first piece of work I've written in months (which doesn't seem like much, but when you go from writing almost constantly to not at all, it's looong), so I'm a bit out of practice. I hope it's still enjoyable, though.  
> No beta, sorry for mistakes. :)  
> Oh, and it's my first piece on ao3, so if you've any suggestions, I'll take them.


End file.
